I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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