Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
