I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
