Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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