i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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