Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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