awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
