Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize