I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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