i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
