I hate your face
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
