Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
