i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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