There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
