that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
