You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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