I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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