The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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