you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
