I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
