hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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