MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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