You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
