ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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