She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
