youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
