Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
