i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
