would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
