It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
