Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
