i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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