his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
