so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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