Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked