...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..