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I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
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