I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk