this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum