that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles