dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
