I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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