He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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