What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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