and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
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I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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