I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
