Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
