my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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