btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
