Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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