How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
