I wish I only lived at night.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
