Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need to align my fucking chakras
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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