**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
