I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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