Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
