Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
