My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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