I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
