idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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