Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
