Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
