you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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