i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
