Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
