You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
