He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
