remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
