Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
