I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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