I must be too annoying 4 u.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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